Attachment Styles: Impact on Relationships, Health & Healing

What is attachment? 

Attachment begins forming from a very early age. This happens through the combination of attunement and autonomic regulation with our primary caregivers. 

Attunement refers to the non-verbal communication and responsiveness between the infant and caregiver. This helps create a sense of safety and trust for the child. 

Autonomic regulation involves how well the caregiver can help the infant regulate their own nervous system through co-regulation.

When an infant experiences high levels of attunement and support for autonomic regulation, this leads to the development of secure attachment. Their operating system is programmed for safety, health, and positive relationships. 

However, lack of attunement or inconsistent autonomic support can result in insecure attachment styles. These are styles like avoidant attachment, for example. 

The type of insecure attachment depends on the specific experiences of disconnection or inconsistencies in the caregiving environment.

How do insecure styles impact nervous system regulation?

For avoidant attachment, the child adapts early on. They do this to dissociate from their innate relational needs due to neglectful caregivers who were unavailable, or rejecting the connection. 

This takes a tremendous amount of energy. This is because our biological drive is wired for social bonding. They learn to self-regulate through disembodied means like distraction, rather than true embodiment.

Ambivalent attachment results from the inconsistent availability of caregivers. Babies experiencing this come to expect abandonment around connecting with others. 

They remain in a constant state of hyper-arousal, anxiously trying to maintain relationships and reassure themselves of the other’s presence. 

This over-focus on external regulation makes internal self-soothing difficult to develop.

How do these styles impact adult relationships?

Early childhood experiences lay down implicit templates and expectations about relationships.

These get unconsciously enacted in our adult bonds unless resolved. These early working models are deeply ingrained at a physiological level.

Have you noticed a cycle you repeat with people in relationships?

Overcoming survival adaptations wired by our insecure attachment requires more than just insight. 

It involves creating new, corrective experiences that can rewire our operating systems on a more embodied level. 

Things like somatic therapies, targeted experiential exercises in safe relationships, and trauma processing can help complete this healing work. 

Simply talking through our histories may not sufficiently help us overcome automatic reactions and access new behaviors. I always say, you get pills or a talk, but is that ever the solution? 

How do styles impact health?

In this episode, I explored so many different things with Diane. Including: how avoidant attachment individuals’ experience of relational neglect or rejection could transfer to issues with nourishment from food. 

The lack of feeling nourished in early bonds may correlate to eating disorder patterns as a result.

Ambivalent attachment adaptation happens when unstable external regulation from inconsistent caregivers is a reality. 

This blueprint could lead one to similarly rely on addictive substances or unhealthy behaviors to achieve regulation. 

Much like an unreliable early attachment figure, addiction provides temporary relief but does not support developing inner self-soothing abilities.

Disorganized attachment results from threatening caregivers.

When a child’s primary caregivers are threatening rather than a source of safety and security. This sets the stage for disorganized attachment to develop. 

Due to mixed signals from caregivers, the child may oscillate between approaching for comfort and withdrawing in fear. Their nervous system learns to shift between trauma responses and uncertainty.

Feeling fundamentally safe is so crucial when working with clients with disorganized attachment histories. Or embarking on your own healing journey.

Due to inconsistent caregiving, the ability to feel safe internally was often not established. 

The therapeutic relationship must therefore hold stability and nurturing qualities to help build new learning around what safety in relationships can entail. Through corrective experiences, a sense of predictability and trust can slowly develop where there was previously only uncertainty and threat.

The possibility of healing and rewiring through creating new experiences of safety, love, and attunement in our relationships and with ourselves.

While our histories shape us greatly, our nervous systems continue developing throughout life based on new experiences. 

Those with stored trauma can effectively rewire our operating systems. How?

By creating opportunities for safety, love, and attunement in both our relationships and internal self-care. 

There are techniques that can help generate new, corrective learning at implicit levels. Almost anyone can do this through things like somatic exercises, targeted experiential practices with supportive others, and trauma processing. 

Making a conscious effort to surround ourselves with nurturing external environments and cultivate internal safety can help change our biology over time. 

It is truly empowering to understand that each of us has the means within us to overcome early programming. Then be able to move toward more secure functioning. 

I really hope this perspective encourages those on the journey to reconnecting with themselves and others.

I’ve had a great time sharing this with you! 

Until next time.

To your best health and your best self, 

~ Dr. Aimie