Episode 131: Why Empaths Get Stuck in Grief and How to Move Through It
- THA Operations
- Nov 28
- 10 min read
Updated: Dec 2
When hit with a loss, highly sensitive people and empaths can feel like they're drowning in grief. Others can seem to handle the loss with more ease. However, empaths absorb emotions from everyone around them, feel overwhelmed by everyday environments, and find themselves reaching for things they know aren't good for them just to survive.
Highly sensitive people often get through by numbing the inner noise and pain because it just becomes so much. But what if that sensitivity is actually a person's greatest strength when provided the right support?
In this episode, Dr. Aimie reveals why highly sensitive people experience grief differently. She shares her own vulnerable story of self-sabotage after her best day ever, showing how even those who understand trauma intellectually can still get hijacked by their sensitivity overwhelmed by grief.
You'll find out why the key to healthy resilience for an empath is about learning to support your nervous system so you can hold pain without being overwhelmed by it. Dr. Aimie explains how your sensitivities can either drain your energy or become your superpowers, and how energy management is the key to which one it will be for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
[7:30] How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person
[10:00] Why empaths feel grief more deeply and get overwhelmed faster than others
[16:23] Simple ways to support your sensitive system
[20:00] How to tell which sensitivities drain your energy and which ones are your strengths
[26:26] Why highly sensitive people numb emotional pain in self-sabotaging ways
[30:00] What to do when grief takes over and you feel out of control emotionally
[33:22] The biggest challenge for highly sensitive people and how to handle it
[35:19] Easy ways to support your nervous system before you get overwhelmed
Whether you’re someone navigating grief yourself or a practitioner supporting empath clients, this episode offers practical insights to help you understand and support a more sensitive nervous system through grief and transforming sensitivity into a strength.
Helpful Links Related To This Episode
Resources/Guides:
Biology of Trauma book - how the body experiences and holds fear, pain and overwhelm, and how to heal. Pre-order now and, at the time of this recording, you’ll get over $400 in bonuses included! Those bonuses are only for the pre-order window which goes until Sept 22, 2025. When you’ve already pre-ordered it on Amazon head over here to receive your bonuses.
The Essential Sequence - Grab my free guide that shows you the difference between the stress and trauma states of our nervous system. In just 3 steps, it walks you through what your body needs when it has stored trauma or is in a freeze response.
The Foundational Journey - a 6 week program as the place to lay the foundation for all the phases of the healing journey explained in The Essential Sequence guide. If you are looking for emotional and nervous system regulation and changes in your physical health without a pill, this is for you. If you are a practitioner - this is where it all starts with the year certificate training program to become a Biology of Trauma professional.
Related Podcast Episodes:
Related Youtube Videos:
How Highly Sensitive People Can Process Grief Without Getting Overwhelmed: A Science-Based Guide
Elena sat across from me, describing the moment she received her diagnosis. Her body had crossed that critical line from stress into shutdown, right there in her rheumatologist's office. Though she'd built a successful life as a chief operating officer and single mother of two, this news overwhelmed her nervous system in a way that others might find puzzling. For Elena, like many highly sensitive people, grief and loss land differently in the body.
Understanding the Highly Sensitive Nervous System Through a Trauma Lens
When we have a more sensitive nervous system—what we often call being a highly sensitive person (HSP) or empath—we process information differently. This sensitivity affects 15-20% of the population and represents a unique way our nervous systems interact with the world. As I explained in that recent podcast episode, our sensitive systems pick up more information from the environment, staying more tuned in to lights, sounds, textures, chemicals, foods, and the energy from other people.
This heightened awareness serves as both gift and challenge. We sense what others miss, but we also absorb what others can easily deflect. Understanding this through the lens of our preexisting filter—that invisible template through which all experiences pass—helps us make sense of why some experiences overwhelm us while others feel manageable.
The Four Components of Your Preexisting Filter
Just as I teach in my work on the biology of trauma, our responses to life events depend on four integrated components that form our preexisting filter:
1. Current nervous system state: Whether we're already operating from stress, shutdown, or the rare calm-alive state
2. Biology: The cumulative signals of safety or danger our body sends to our neuroception
3. Programmed beliefs: Neural networks strengthened through decades of repetition
4. Somatic memory: Our body's stored memories of which sensations and movements feel safe or dangerous
For sensitive people, each of these components can be more reactive, creating a filter that's already primed for overwhelm before grief even arrives.
Recognizing Energy Drains Versus Energy Gains
Through my own journey, I discovered that teaching fills me with energy—I can hold space for many people simultaneously and feel energized rather than depleted. Yet bright lights drain my energy so significantly that I wear sunglasses even inside my own home. This discovery transformed my understanding of sensitivity management.
Common energy drains for HSPs include:
Texture of clothing (I never paid attention until my body started communicating its needs)
Environmental sounds that others tune out
LED or fluorescent lighting
Crowded spaces with multiple energy signatures
Chemical sensitivities in everyday products
Energy gains often come from:
Deep, meaningful connections
Time in nature or quiet spaces
Creative expression aligned with your gifts
Somatic practices that support your nervous system
Work that utilizes your sensitivity as a strength
Why Grief Overwhelms the Sensitive Nervous System
Highly sensitive people experience grief through an amplified lens. We process not only our own loss but often absorb the grief energy circulating around us. This compounds the challenge—our nervous systems are already processing emotions at a deeper level, examining every memory, every sensory association, every emotional nuance of the loss.
When grief arrives for someone with a sensitive nervous system, the volume of information requiring processing can quickly exceed our capacity. What others experience as waves, we experience as tsunamis. This intensity stems from our nervous system's tendency to pick up and process more information about the loss than others might even notice.
The Attachment Pain Connection
Through my work with attachment and trauma, I've identified six core attachment pains that shape our responses to loss: Hold me, Hear me, Support me, See me, Love me, and Understand me. For sensitive people, these attachment pains often intensify grief responses because they activate our earliest templates for connection and safety.
Elena's story illustrates this perfectly. Her difficult birth resulted in NICU placement where she couldn't be held—creating that primary "hold me" attachment pain. This early template influenced how her nervous system would respond to future losses, including her diagnosis decades later.
How Sensitive People Attempt to Silence Emotional Pain
In my own experience this week, I witnessed how a part of me attempted to manage overwhelming grief through self-sabotage. After experiencing one of my best professional days, a part of my psyche reminded me of areas where my life didn't match my vision. The grief became unbearable, and I found myself:
Eating foods I knew would cause a reaction
Changing my flight to compromise my sleep
Making choices guaranteed to create physical discomfort
This pattern reveals a crucial insight: we often use our sensitivities against ourselves when emotional pain becomes too intense. The physical discomfort from eating trigger foods drowns out emotional noise. Exhausting ourselves through sleep deprivation numbs our capacity to feel. These aren't character flaws—they're predictable responses from overwhelmed nervous systems seeking relief.
Common Patterns of Numbing Through Sensitivity
Sensitive people often reach for the very things that challenge their systems:
Those with food sensitivities may eat trigger foods during emotional overwhelm
Sound-sensitive individuals might play music that reinforces negative emotional states
Light-sensitive people may expose themselves to harsh environments
Those who need rest may push themselves into exhaustion
Understanding these patterns helps us recognize when we're using our sensitivities to create physical pain that masks emotional pain.
Creating Safety and Support for Your Sensitive System
Supporting a sensitive nervous system requires intentional practices that honor rather than override your sensitivity. Here's how to build resilience without sacrificing your gifts:
1. Map Your Unique Sensitivity Profile
Start by tracking what specifically drains versus energizes you. Keep a sensitivity journal for one week, noting:
Which environments leave you feeling depleted or energized
What physical sensations signal approaching overwhelm
Which activities help you feel grounded and present
How different types of interactions affect your energy
This mapping helps you make informed choices about how to structure your days and protect your energy reserves.
2. Implement Somatic Support Strategies
During my years seeing patients, I discovered that placing tennis balls under my desk transformed my ability to maintain boundaries. By pressing my feet into them during sessions, I created a grounding anchor that prevented energy drain. This simple somatic support changed everything.
Additional somatic supports include:
Weighted blankets for nervous system regulation
Pressure work on feet or hands during challenging moments
Comfortable clothing that doesn't create background irritation
Temperature regulation through layers or cooling/warming tools
3. Design Your Environment for Nervous System Safety
Your environment either supports or challenges your sensitive system. Strategic modifications can significantly impact your resilience:
Lighting adjustments:
Replace harsh LED bulbs with warm, natural lighting
Use multiple light sources rather than overhead lighting
Install dimmers for gradual light transitions
Create designated low-light spaces for recovery
Sound management:
Invest in quality noise-canceling headphones
Play consistent background music or white noise
Establish quiet zones in your living space
Use sound as a boundary between activities
Energy boundaries:
Limit exposure to emotionally charged environments
Schedule buffer time between social interactions
Create physical boundaries when needed
Practice energy protection visualizations
4. Prevent Overwhelm Through Proactive Support
The key lies in supporting your system before reaching the overwhelm threshold. Create a daily practice that includes:
Morning grounding: Start with 5 minutes of feet-on-earth contact or pressure work to establish your baseline
Midday check-in: Assess your energy levels and adjust afternoon activities accordingly
Evening regulation: Use gentle movement, warm baths, or calming music to discharge accumulated energy
Bedtime ritual: Create a consistent practice to release the day's sensory input
Navigating Grief While Honoring Your Sensitivity
Expanding Your Capacity to Hold Both Pain and Possibility
Through supporting our sensitive systems, we develop the capacity to hold grief without being consumed by it. We can honor our losses while remaining open to future connection and joy. This expansion happens not through forcing ourselves to "get over" grief but through creating enough safety for our nervous systems to process at their own pace.
Recognizing When Protective Parts Take Over
Sometimes parts of our psyche attempt to protect us from overwhelming grief by driving self-destructive behaviors. When you notice this happening, pause and ask yourself: "What part of me has taken the driver's seat? What does this part believe it's protecting me from?"
This awareness creates choice. Instead of being driven by unconscious patterns, we can acknowledge the protective intent while choosing supportive responses.
Transforming Sensitivity Into Your Greatest Strength
When properly supported, sensitivity becomes a superpower for navigating life's challenges. Your heightened awareness allows you to:
Notice subtle healing opportunities others might miss
Create genuinely safe spaces for yourself and others
Understand the nuances of grief that lead to deeper healing
Access intuitive wisdom about what your system needs
Support Strategies for HSP Practitioners
For practitioners working with sensitive clients or managing their own sensitivity, creating sensory safety becomes essential for sustainable practice.
Environmental considerations:
Provide weighted blankets or other grounding tools
Maintain consistent, calming background elements
Work with natural or adjustable lighting
Minimize sudden sensory changes
Energy management between sessions:
Use transition rituals to clear energy between clients
Implement grounding practices during sessions
Track which types of work drain you most
Honor your capacity limits
Building sustainable practices: Consider programs like the Foundational Journey, which includes somatic exercises specifically designed for maintaining boundaries while holding space for others.
Knowing When You Need Additional Support
Recognizing the difference between deep grief and overwhelming dysregulation helps you know when to seek additional support:
Signs of healthy grief processing:
Waves of emotion that eventually subside
Ability to complete necessary daily tasks
Moments of peace between grief waves
Gradual expansion of capacity over time
Signs of overwhelm requiring support:
Persistent physical symptoms (chronic fatigue, pain, digestive issues)
Extended inability to function in daily life
Consistent use of harmful numbing behaviors
Feeling completely disconnected from your body or life
When you recognize true overwhelm, bringing in professional support honors your sensitive system's needs.
Your Sensitivity as Your Guide Forward
Living with a highly sensitive nervous system in a world calibrated for less sensitive people presents unique challenges, especially when navigating grief. Yet your sensitivity, when properly understood and supported, becomes your most reliable guide through loss.
The path forward involves recognizing that your nervous system processes grief differently—not wrongly, just differently. By creating intentional support structures, you can move through grief at your own pace while maintaining your energetic boundaries.
Remember, supporting your sensitivity transforms everything. As I discovered with those simple tennis balls under my desk, the right support can mean the difference between depletion and resilience, between overwhelm and empowerment.
Your sensitive nervous system knows how to heal. It simply needs the right conditions—safety, support, and respect for its unique processing style. Trust your body's wisdom, honor your sensitivity, and know that your capacity to feel deeply connects directly to your capacity to heal fully.
Grief for highly sensitive people follows its own timeline and pattern. By understanding and supporting your unique nervous system, you create space for both honoring loss and embracing life—not as opposing forces, but as complementary aspects of your sensitive, resilient, and beautifully human experience.
This Episode Is For:
✓ Highly sensitive people struggling with grief
✓ Empaths who feel like they're drowning emotionally
✓ Anyone who absorbs others' emotions
✓ Those who self-sabotage to numb pain
✓ Practitioners supporting sensitive clients
✓ People whose sensitivity feels like a burden
✓ Anyone needing to understand HSP nervous systems
✓ Those ready to transform sensitivity into strength
What You'll Learn
Listen to understand why empaths and highly sensitive people experience grief so differently from non-sensitive people around them. Discovering how to tell if you're HSP through signs present. Through emotional intensity, sensory sensitivity, and absorbing others' emotions automatically. Why their nervous systems reach overwhelm faster biologically than others. How to distinguish draining sensitivities from empowering ones that serve. Why HSPs self-sabotage to numb pain that overwhelms their systems. Practical steps when grief takes over including acknowledging what's happening. Grounding in present moment, regulating through simple practices, reaching out. Plus easy prevention methods through morning routines, micro-breaks throughout day. Evening wind-down and weekly resets that transform sensitivity from burden into superpower through proper nervous system support and energy management.
Sensitivity is your strength—when you support your nervous system properly.
Disclaimer
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information shared reflects my clinical expertise and research, but every person's biology and healing journey is unique. Always consult with qualified healthcare providers before making changes to your treatment plan or starting new interventions. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.
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